Read This When You’re in a Flare

Dear fellow spoonie —

If you’re reading this, chances are high that you’re in a flare, too. Hey, what’s up? What are the odds of meeting you here? (I’m picturing us in The Void. The Flare Void. It’s a little bare and gross here, but we can make it more cozy. Comfy couches, scentless candles, the works!)

When you constantly have a baseline of pain All the Time, it kind of feels unfair when you go into a flare of more pain. At least, that’s what I think. For this flare, I’ve been dealing with a lot of anger, depression, and negative feelings. Feelings like “this will never end,” “I hate having a chronic illness,” and “why oh why God would this happen to me?” (Raise your hand if this happens to you.)

Half of the struggle of being in a flare is your mindset. It’s so easy to fall into despair and feeling sorry for yourself. I have definitely been there this week. I have been frustrated that I can’t do the things that I normally do — which, admittedly, are not all the things I’d like to be able do, but when your pain knocks you flat on your back (literally), you gain some perspective.

Last night, I was so worked up and just felt like my emotions had been tied into knots a hundred times. I ended up needing to just re-center — focus on my breath, meditate a little. My pain didn’t go away, but after a few mediations I fell asleep. And in the morning, I felt stronger somehow and more able to handle it.